Episode 4 is now uploaded, and there are a lot of random posters posted around my school. We ran around the school filming and being strange, and I admit it was really fun. But the best part about this project? There’s only one episode left after this! That means I can finally concentrate on the book part of the project! Awesome.
Script: Episode One
Okay, done with that. Back to the usual nonsense.
Here is the script from Episode One, in case anyone’s interested.
Oh, hello! I didn’t see you there. I was busy putting on my Tanuki ears.
(Title Card) Ep. 1: Appearance and Attitude
Hey there. As I said last week, this is an internet thingy that will teach you some of the tricks of those internet followings out there, in the hopes to get one of your own. Where to go from there? I don’t know … then people will be at your command, and it’s not my business what you tell them to do.
Well, anyhow. The first and most basic step of getting attention is to have some sort of signature look or outfit. I mean, almost everyone out there with a following has that appeal. Lady Gaga likes to wear her lunch, Daniel Tosh has those v-necks and that haircut. Hell, even Mister Rogers has that sweater-and-sneakers getup he wears every episode. And who doesn’t love Mister Rogers? No one. That’s who. Don’t be a hater.
Even if your content is terrible, sometimes you can draw attention with your looks. Maybe you’re not funny, but you’re wearing this weird vintage coonskin cap, and it looks great. Everyone will be so distracted by how great/awesome/bizarre-o you look that they’ll recognize your next video anyhow. It’s kind of like that movie, Wild Wild West. Yeah, the script was awful, but did you SEE those costumes? No? Am I too old or something?
Anyhow. Today, I will try to get my own signature look. Now, probably no one noticed last week because I own such a small camera and live in a tiny tiny room, but I was wearing a plaid dress. If I had a larger camera, I might try for something that would cover my whole body; but more likely, I’m going to go for something from the neck up. Also, since I am but a poor student, I refuse to buy anything new. Shall we?
(montage. Tanuki ears, baseball cap, fedora, mustache finger, giant earrings, ridiculous makeup, goth makeup, bandana, hat I made, stuffed animal on head, glasses, studded collar, scarf.)
Alright. I think I’m gonna go with this hat. Mostly because I made it, which means no one else has it. Also, it’s a bright color, which will stand out against my black-of-night hair. From now on, I will wear this every episode. Let’s see what my roommate thinks!
(Leyat) Hey, Rachel, you look awesome!
It’s already working!
While this works for me because the camera loves me, not everyone wants to be seen. What if you’re just doing a voice-over, or writing something, or … um … hiding in a box? (Shot of someone in a box) Yeah, like that guy.
Well that’s easy. Be funny!
Yes, it is that easy! How? Really? You don’t know how to be funny? What the hell is wrong with you, why would anyone ever follow you?
(sigh.) Fine. I will go over some basics of being funny.
- Make fun of other people, especially your audience. Downplaying other people makes you seem better by comparison. It’s how Stephen Colbert does it. And everyone loves Stephen. You know how many marriage proposals that guy gets a day?!
- Point out things in everyday life that are kind of dumb. Like, what’s up with hot dogs coming in packs of ten while rolls come in packs of eight? Why do the English not use the English Measurement system? It’s taking a leaf from Jerry Seinfeld’s book. Don’t tell me you didn’t watch Seinfeld, you liar. Everyone loved Kramer until he started telling racist jokes. That reminds me
- Don’t be racist, unless you mean to be. Um. I mean … unless that’s your thing. Telling racist jokes. Like, that’s your draw. But …come on, be tasteful. Ooh. That leads me to
- Be tasteful! No dead baby jokes … no matter how funny … okay. Dead baby jokes are fine. Just tasteful ones.
- Put in tons of pop culture references, even ones from other internet followings. That way, you seem hip and stylish and super funny, even if people have seen these things already many, many times. It’s Super Special Awesome!
- A great way to get some laughs is to be over-the-top outrageous, almost crossing the line into insanity. But be careful with this one, because you might be mistaken for an actual crazy person. But if you don’t care then neither do I!
On a last note, if you’re going verbal, you might want to think about a cachphrase. Something like …”Believe in me who believes in you” or “so long and thanks for all the fish.” But it really depends on what your theme is. For instance … my theme is … meta. So maybe I’ll go with … uh … ooh, I know!
(cut off by outro).
I’m a doctor, dammit, not an internet phenomenon!
May the force be with you.
We’re gonna need a bigger camera.
Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a shit.
I drink your milkshake! I drink it up!
Screw the rules, I have a green hat!
Episode 3 (4th video) is up on Youtube! Check it out, guys, we got a comment, though, on the last video. Someone liked my comment about Jacob from Twilight being a dog and Edward being a dude with a bad wig. Also I’m not the only one watching these things anymore. I wonder if it counts if you watch the embed.
Anyhow, this one is a spin off of the last one, kind of a 2-parter. However, Episode 4 (5) is going to be tricky.
The third episode is uploaded onto YouTube (although it is really Episode 2 because the first one was really just an intro … but I digress. And digest.) hurray! It’s got 4 views (all by me because I couldn’t figure out how to embed it) and it focuses a lot on Starbucks and Twilight. I’m going to have to quicken my pace if I want to get all 6 (7?) episodes up before this project is due. Ugh. No motivation.
For the sake of having more text, here is the script for episode 1, the intro.
EP 1: INTRO
SCENE: KITCHEN DESK
(RACHEL is sitting at the desk, not paying attention to the camera, typing something. Suddenly, she sees the camera and acts startled, but pleased.)
Oh, hello. I didn’t see you there. I was busy writing in my blog, like the other fifty million people on the internet who have blogs. That’s right. FIFTY MILLION. That’s probably everyone you know, plus their parents, siblings, and those distant cousins, and even of you count your facebook friends as well as your real friends, that’s still barely a million. So why even bother with that YouTube channel with dreams of the internet fame that came to many others when in reality, you’re just on a path to further obscurity?
Well, I’ll tell you something. I’m not gonna just sit here and drown under the waves instead of surfing the net. Those internet followings out there aren’t famous by coincidence. There’s something about them that makes people want to watch, want to read, or even get those coveted subscribers.
“Oh, Rachel, they’re just funny and talented,” you say. Shutup! That is simply not true, you’re just being lazy. There is indeed a step-by-step formula to having an internet following. And by looking at existing followings and understanding a little bit about human psychology, you can do it, too! You’d be surprised. It’s not just about having a good idea or a lot of already internet-famous friends. For instance, nothing is a better subconscious pull than an annoyingly catchy theme song.
And that’s just the start. Each week, I’ll go over something new, and I’ll do it myself to demonstrate. Soon, you and I will be gone from internet obscurity and back into regular obscurity.
So, I invite you to follow me on my journey to internet popularity by teaching you how to achieve internet popularity. It’s meta!
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Progress or Lack Thereof
It’s been two weeks since I started this (a relatively short time, but long if you consider that I only have seven weeks to do this project.) I know I don’t want to promote this thing so much, at least until the “promotion” episode, but I guess I was hoping for a spam comment or two. It’s like the paradox from Catcher in the Rye: bad attention is better than no attention at all.
Come to think of it, that’s not from Catcher in the Rye at all. Nevermind.
Well, the end result of all of this is a well-designed book filled with graphics ripped off from Shepard Fairey — I mean — inspired by Shepard Fairey. Since the content, meaning what happens with this attempted fandom, doesn’t really matter, I guess I don’t care too much. Sometimes no attention is perfectly adequate, especially if you’re an INTJ like myself. (For those unfamiliar with Meyers-Briggs, it means that I stay away from people and plot their imminent destruction. Quietly.)
So far I’ve got a total of 11 views and no comments. That’s perfectly fine. I think it’s clear I would have rather gone with one of the earlier ideas rather than making a video of myself being an egotistical idiot, and it’s really the book that counts in the end. Now I’m repeating myself, so I sound unsure … ugh … really, I don’t care, you have to believe me! WHY DON’T YOU BELIEVE ME??
Anyhow, I have to write the script for episode 2(episode 3?) today so that I can film and edit it tomorrow. I am spending way too much time in the production of the episodes and not enough in the book. I don’t even have a solid layout. And it’s due in a month and a half… fuck.
The first official episode is up and ready! It is much better than the intro! Tell your friends! Make some comments. I need some fodder for my project, guys. I honestly don’t care what you say, so long as I get some sort of feedback.
Introductory episode uploaded! The actual episodes will be less me talking to the camera and more doing stuff. I know the quality is terrible, but remember that I have to do seven of these before my thesis is due in April, so no re-dos.