Here is the final episode! THANK YOU EVERYONE!
(Note: I’m aware that it says Episode 6 in the actual video. Oh well)
Now comes the time when this project must end. The technical end date for the entire thing is mid-April, so that means, even more so, that the end of the video project must come now.
For the final episode, I would like to encourage participation. So on this blog, and on the youtube channel, I will ask for suggestions on what you would like to see me do or rant about. ANYTHING. This does not mean i will do it, but the suggestion might prompt something else.
So I ask for submissions via this weird tumblr dialogue box, also in the comments.
What would you like to see me do or rant about?
Okay, done with that. Back to the usual nonsense.
Here is the script from Episode One, in case anyone’s interested.
Oh, hello! I didn’t see you there. I was busy putting on my Tanuki ears.
(Title Card) Ep. 1: Appearance and Attitude
Hey there. As I said last week, this is an internet thingy that will teach you some of the tricks of those internet followings out there, in the hopes to get one of your own. Where to go from there? I don’t know … then people will be at your command, and it’s not my business what you tell them to do.
Well, anyhow. The first and most basic step of getting attention is to have some sort of signature look or outfit. I mean, almost everyone out there with a following has that appeal. Lady Gaga likes to wear her lunch, Daniel Tosh has those v-necks and that haircut. Hell, even Mister Rogers has that sweater-and-sneakers getup he wears every episode. And who doesn’t love Mister Rogers? No one. That’s who. Don’t be a hater.
Even if your content is terrible, sometimes you can draw attention with your looks. Maybe you’re not funny, but you’re wearing this weird vintage coonskin cap, and it looks great. Everyone will be so distracted by how great/awesome/bizarre-o you look that they’ll recognize your next video anyhow. It’s kind of like that movie, Wild Wild West. Yeah, the script was awful, but did you SEE those costumes? No? Am I too old or something?
Anyhow. Today, I will try to get my own signature look. Now, probably no one noticed last week because I own such a small camera and live in a tiny tiny room, but I was wearing a plaid dress. If I had a larger camera, I might try for something that would cover my whole body; but more likely, I’m going to go for something from the neck up. Also, since I am but a poor student, I refuse to buy anything new. Shall we?
(montage. Tanuki ears, baseball cap, fedora, mustache finger, giant earrings, ridiculous makeup, goth makeup, bandana, hat I made, stuffed animal on head, glasses, studded collar, scarf.)
Alright. I think I’m gonna go with this hat. Mostly because I made it, which means no one else has it. Also, it’s a bright color, which will stand out against my black-of-night hair. From now on, I will wear this every episode. Let’s see what my roommate thinks!
(Leyat) Hey, Rachel, you look awesome!
It’s already working!
While this works for me because the camera loves me, not everyone wants to be seen. What if you’re just doing a voice-over, or writing something, or … um … hiding in a box? (Shot of someone in a box) Yeah, like that guy.
Well that’s easy. Be funny!
Yes, it is that easy! How? Really? You don’t know how to be funny? What the hell is wrong with you, why would anyone ever follow you?
(sigh.) Fine. I will go over some basics of being funny.
On a last note, if you’re going verbal, you might want to think about a cachphrase. Something like …”Believe in me who believes in you” or “so long and thanks for all the fish.” But it really depends on what your theme is. For instance … my theme is … meta. So maybe I’ll go with … uh … ooh, I know!
(cut off by outro).
I’m a doctor, dammit, not an internet phenomenon!
May the force be with you.
We’re gonna need a bigger camera.
Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a shit.
I drink your milkshake! I drink it up!
Screw the rules, I have a green hat!
Well, I’m hard at work for the next episode. Unlike the previous ones, this one actually requires me to go outside. »shudder« so I’m doing it when I can. Thank God for DST. But more on that in a minute. I want to share something. It doesn’t turn out to be anything important, so you can hang your suspense for something worthwhile.
The day after I uploaded the fourth(third) episode to YouTube, I woke up to my alarm clock, which is just my phone strategically placed under my pillow. (This way I hear it but my roommate does not.) Also on my phone is my email, and I usually see right away in the morning that I have 4 or 5 new emails. Generally, these are from social networking sites or spam, but sometimes I will wake to good news, like I have a new follower on Pinterest or I just made 15 bucks on Fireshield earrings. This was a bit different.
As I sleepily read my email, I saw that I had a message from someone on youtube. Here it is:
It says:hey there
you have some very interesting videos uploaded but small views. i think they are not really getting noticed.
have you ever tried to buy subscribers or views to make your channel bigger.
subgrow . com
i used that site before with one of my channal and their subscriber packages made my views rise big over a few weeks.
they are the best on the net
Since I am new to uploading YouTube, I had never gotten spam before, and wasn’t entirely sure this WAS spam. Actually, it reminded me of a message I received from fanfiction.net not too long ago, asking if I was considering putting a piece I never finished up for “adoption.”
Now, I was sure this person was promoting their company, but I was excited that they had written to me, personally. I went through the day thinking on how to reply. I did not want to buy subscribers, as that would defeat the purpose of this project, and I hadn’t done much promotion, as I was »spoiler« saving it for the next episode. But I was curious on how this person (I assume it was a “she” for some reason) found me in the first place.
I didn’t get to a computer until the next day, where I sat at work and hastily opened my channel mail to reply. And that was where I saw that the mail had not only gone out to me, but to at least eight other channels. This was disheartening, though not entirely. I wrote back anyway with the same plan, careful to use the weird language that was bouncing around my brain.
The third episode is uploaded onto YouTube (although it is really Episode 2 because the first one was really just an intro … but I digress. And digest.) hurray! It’s got 4 views (all by me because I couldn’t figure out how to embed it) and it focuses a lot on Starbucks and Twilight. I’m going to have to quicken my pace if I want to get all 6 (7?) episodes up before this project is due. Ugh. No motivation.
For the sake of having more text, here is the script for episode 1, the intro.
EP 1: INTRO
SCENE: KITCHEN DESK
(RACHEL is sitting at the desk, not paying attention to the camera, typing something. Suddenly, she sees the camera and acts startled, but pleased.)
Oh, hello. I didn’t see you there. I was busy writing in my blog, like the other fifty million people on the internet who have blogs. That’s right. FIFTY MILLION. That’s probably everyone you know, plus their parents, siblings, and those distant cousins, and even of you count your facebook friends as well as your real friends, that’s still barely a million. So why even bother with that YouTube channel with dreams of the internet fame that came to many others when in reality, you’re just on a path to further obscurity?
Well, I’ll tell you something. I’m not gonna just sit here and drown under the waves instead of surfing the net. Those internet followings out there aren’t famous by coincidence. There’s something about them that makes people want to watch, want to read, or even get those coveted subscribers.
“Oh, Rachel, they’re just funny and talented,” you say. Shutup! That is simply not true, you’re just being lazy. There is indeed a step-by-step formula to having an internet following. And by looking at existing followings and understanding a little bit about human psychology, you can do it, too! You’d be surprised. It’s not just about having a good idea or a lot of already internet-famous friends. For instance, nothing is a better subconscious pull than an annoyingly catchy theme song.
And that’s just the start. Each week, I’ll go over something new, and I’ll do it myself to demonstrate. Soon, you and I will be gone from internet obscurity and back into regular obscurity.
So, I invite you to follow me on my journey to internet popularity by teaching you how to achieve internet popularity. It’s meta!
I cant yp e really fast if I want to and Im not ustRkkjsijopjksnkdfldj;lgkjldfkjgklljkljkjkjkjj
The first official episode is up and ready! It is much better than the intro! Tell your friends! Make some comments. I need some fodder for my project, guys. I honestly don’t care what you say, so long as I get some sort of feedback.
Even with the introduction uploaded, I can’t slow down. I’ve already written the second episode (actually the first episode) and the script is much longer. I don’t think I can film this one in a half an hour like the last. And something tells me my roommates’ patience is waning. I’m either going to have to find a new camera man or set up some sort of rig so I can talk to myself … myself.
I’m kinda afraid to check the video, since I don’t really like the first one. The second will be much better! I’ll check everything after that. I know, I know, I said “let the spam come” but the truth is I don’t want to know how it’s doing until after I put up something I actually feel is good. The intro is stupid, to tell the truth. I don’t know if I’ll ever achieve “good” since I don’t have the time to spend so much time on this, as I’ve mentioned earlier (this is close to becoming my catch phrase), but I think I can get to ‘adequate.” Don’t you?
So let’s go.